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Saturday, May 30, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Someone put these people in office

Why we are in trouble in America !!!
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her
hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
(On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown.
While I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information, she interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look
stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts " Without trying to make
her look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts ,
Capetown is in Africa ."
Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package
we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando .
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is
not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very
thin state.'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, ''Is it possible to see
England from Canada?'' I said, ''No.'' She said,
''But they look so close on the map." (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a
car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had
only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a
car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need
a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it
was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to
Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of
Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.
Finally, I told her the plane went fast , and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to
whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, ''Well, when I checked
in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT),
and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'' After putting her on hold
for a minute, while I looked into it (I was dying laughing), I came back
and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal),
and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.
After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to
fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he
meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none
of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. A lady Senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola,
Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?
'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She
said, '' Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he
needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about
passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've
been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told
him this he said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time
they have accepted my American Ex press!''

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, ''I want to go
from Chicago to Rhino, New York.'' I was at a loss for words.
Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?'' ''Yes, what
flights do you have?'' replied the lady. After some searching, I came
back with, ''I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the
country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' ''The lady retorted, ''
Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'' So I
scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered,
''You don't mean Buffalo, do you?'' The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was
a big animal.

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone
be this DUMB? &n bsp;


Monday, May 11, 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

What A Vacation !!

I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania). The cost is a bit high @ US$800 per day double occupancy but I didn't find that offensive.

What I found enticing is that the cruise company is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days).

All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.

$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)

M-16 full auto rental $ 25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at 15.95

Ak-47 riffle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at 14.95

Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper rifle rental 55.00/day ammo at 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at 9.95

Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).

They even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads

"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."

Meals are not included but seem reasonable.

Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this.....

"MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ 450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"

Sign me up!

They advertise group rates and corporate discounts......and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"

They even offer partial money back if not's some text from the ad.

"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund back half your money including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included)... How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Feb 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."

As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials

"I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'll never hunt big game in Africa again. ---- Lars, Hamburg Germany

"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12 yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"
----Ned, Salt Lake city, Utah USA

"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam"
----"chopper' Dan, Toledo USA.