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Friday, April 3, 2009

Political humor

President Obama is in London but he is still following his Final Four - Chase, Wells Fargo, JP Morgan and Bank of America.

Scientists are working on a drug to cure kleptomaniacs. They admit such an remedy should have been perfected years ago. But for some reason, the formula in the lab kept disappearing.

Barack Obama made his first trip as president to England. Here is my question. If the President is in England, who’s running General Motors?

As you know by now, the government is now taking an active role in the auto business. President Obama offering hope, change, and 0 percent financing.

You know what’s interesting? Today, a reporter in Crawford, Texas, asked former President George Bush how he felt about General Motors and Bush said, “You know, since I left office, I don’t really follow the Iraq war anymore.”

Actually, President Obama says that G.M. filing for bankruptcy may be the best alternative. He said that bankruptcy is a good legal tool for a company not to have to pay creditors back, which sounds great until you realize, hey wait a minute, we’re the creditors! Great, so you want to help them not pay us back. I mean, even A.I.G. is going, “Why didn’t we think of this?”

So, it’s pretty crazy. Look, we’re bailing out Wall Street, we’re bailing out banks, we’re bailing out car companies. In fact, did you know there’s a special box on your tax form this year you can check if you want a portion of your taxes to actually go to running the government?

And there was kind of an awkward moment yesterday as President Obama was leaving to go to the G-20 summit. Hillary Clinton called and said, “Can I run the country while you’re gone? Please, can I?”

Thousands of people showed up in London to protest this G-20 economic summit. Protesters smashed windows at the Bank of Scotland. Did you see it on the news? The banks were closed. The windows were all boarded up. It looked like our banks.

A British genealogist who traced President Obama’s roots claimed Obama is related to the royal family. Well, did you see President Obama standing with Prince Charles? If those ears are any indication, I think they may be related.

And more embarrassment for the President. Just a few weeks after President Obama named Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius as his Health and Human Services nominee, she now reveals she owes over $7,000 in back taxes. Another one owes. See, that’s the difference between the two political parties right there. Republicans believe in no new taxes. Democrats believe in no old ones.

And China says it wants to replace the U.S. dollar with a new global currency. They want to move from a gold-based standard to a lead-based standard.

And from the animal kingdom, it seems a loggerhead sea turtle nearly swam to the doorstep of a Florida Keys turtle hospital. This is the only licensed veterinary facility in the world that solely treats sea turtles. This turtle somehow knew to swim right up to the hospital. Isn’t that amazing? Sad part, they had to turn him away when his H.M.O. wouldn’t cover the visit.

Anybody here got a General Motors car? Well, look out for this guy, this Barack Obama. He comes in, doesn’t like what he sees at General Motors and tells the C.E.O., Rick Wagoner, to take a hike. Wagoner, however, got a $20 million bonus. But the good news is the 20 million was in G.M. stock.

Britain’s Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, asked President Obama if he ever played darts. And Obama said: “Sure I play darts. How do you think I picked my Cabinet?”

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